YEA!!! Lanthie is Back! She has written a guest post for us again. Her first post was wildly popular! We are hoping Lanthie starts writing for us much more often! So apparently you all liked me so much, Matt has asked me to do another guest post - who knows, perhaps I will become a regular here.
I have just returned from a weeks R & R in Dubai. Stayed at the Atlantis Palm Resort and of course spent many hours at the pool reading (but more like looking out for Eye Candy!)
Needless to say, there was not much eye candy. Most guys at the pool were the married sort so drooling was kept to a minimum. The pool was however filled with guys who have no idea what attire is appropriate for the pool. So I thought I would give you mere mortals a few tips on what to wear and a women's perspective on your choices. It would make my next vacation so much more pleasurable.
The Thong
Do I really need to go here - this is wrong on so many levels and I wouldn't know where to start trying to explain why.
The Speedo (aka Swimming Briefs)
Speedo's are not suitable for anyone over the age of 6, so if you think you look good in them - you had better have a really nice "package" to show off. The fact that you have managed to squish everything in there does you no favors. In fact we are probably taking out our glasses (or magnifying glasses) to see what you have to offer. Now I know some of you are really confident about what you have tucked away, but it looks really tiny and insignificant when all squished up, so definitely not impressive.
Square Leg Swimming Pants / Trunks (aka retro style)
Another NO. This is even worse than the speedo - at least the with the speedo the actual size of your package is left to the imagination. But with swimming briefs, it all just hangs loose. We can see every wobble as you move and yes, it does bring a smile to our faces but not for the reason you may think. We are actually smirking that you'd have the audacity to wear something that. And of course what do you do when you walk past that really nice bikini clad 20 something and get a boner - no ways you are hiding that from anyone, especially the wife!
The Swimming Shorts
Nice choice and any man can pull these off. They hide just enough and leave enough to our imagination. Hopefully you have a nice set of abs just above to show off. Choice of pattern here matters a huge amount. So if you think tiny pics of Mickey Mouse is appropriate, please think again. The same goes for pictures of any Superhero, Star Wars characters, fishes, sharks, and palm trees. And mind they don't look like pajama bottoms.
Board Shorts
Again a wise choice but more for the leaner man and even better if you are under 30. Same applies when it comes to choice of pattern so make sure to choose a pattern that is slightly "butch". It is not a turn on for us when we are looking at your swim suit and feel obliged to utter the term "Oh Cute!". And I somehow doubt these are words you want us to utter when sizing you up.
The White Swimsuit
You had better have something to show off here as it doesn't matter which of the above swimsuits you are wearing. White becomes see-thru when wet and we get to have a glimpse of EVERYTHING! So be aware.
Pink
Yes, this belongs in a category all of its own. I don't care how confident you are with your manhood, MEN SHOULD NEVER WEAR PINK!
The Exception to the Rule
If you look like this - feel free to wear any of the above. We are already fantasizing about all sorts of things and the swimsuit does not feature in any of them!
Hope you will take note of some the above advice and I look forward to sizing you up on my next vacation.
Please feel free to come on over the dark side occasionally and read my blog
Life Cherries. I love comments as well so they are always welcome.
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